Thursday, November 27, 2008

such a yatch

So the Daily News recently ran a report on a 17-year-old male model (who also happens to be the face of Hugo Boss) who slept with a 34-year old teacher from his high school. This kid is almost angelic in his beauty, and the teacher....well, as John put it, is pretty much a "yatch." (I think I have a new favorite word) There are plenty of hot 34 year olds, this lady isn't one of them. That left us wondering what in the world this guy saw in her. He obviously doesn't need money. My next theory was that she was his drug dealer..

But seeing as how he likely wouldn't need to actually have sex with this lady to get drugs from her, we came to the only logical conclusion....

Holy vag. She must have the vagina of a god (er, goddess, I suppose). What power must be present underneath this woman's underwear that a man who probably could score with any number of females embark on an affair with her? Holy bits. A vagina to rise above all others. A vagina so incredible, so compelling, so powerful it can only be named one thing: Jesus vag.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Other thoughts on men...

Contrary to what most single women like to say, I DO need a man. I need him for the following 4 reasons:

1. Sex (duh)
2. Kill bugs for me (hate 'em, but can't kill 'em)
3. Drive me around (especially in bad weather and/or in rush hour traffic)
4. Eventually, at some point, sperm

Sunday, November 16, 2008

people who make extreme religious/political comments on online articles

May your flesh melt slowly in the deepest, darkest pits of the hottest inferno hell has to offer

Monday, November 10, 2008

A kind of list an English major would love

These are the 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users.Bold the ones you've read, , italicize the ones you started but didn't finish. Add (*) beside the ones you liked and would (or did) read again or recommend. Parentheses around ones you would like to read or saw the movie. I've read a lot of these books, which suprises that they are considered most "unread". And thanks to Masterpiece Theater, I have seen the movie version of a lot of these books without reading them!

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (if you can get past the first 200 pages or so it's excellent)
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick (really want to finish this one day)
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities (saw the movie in school)
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies (I tried to read this several years ago)
War and Peace
Vanity Fair (saw the movie with Reese Witherspoon. It was ok)
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma (I've pretty much seen every movie based on a Jane Austen book made in the past 10's kinda sad)
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations (saw the PBS version and the one with Gywneth and Ethan)
American Gods -(want to read but didn't like Gaiman's Stardust all that much. So back and forth on this one)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged (NO. NO NO! Is supposed to be one of the greatest books of our age and probably is so. I just detest her "followers" who use this book as justification for environmental degredation)
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex (I started this in high school, and really think I would like it now if I picked it up)
Quicksilver (What's with all the Neal Stephenson on this list? I think it might be a little biased against him...)
Wicked : the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West (another I started a few times, but last year I actually finished it. I like his books but don't love them)
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel (Love it. The whole "story within a story" set-up is great)
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera (don't really want to)
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
The Count of Monte Cristo (I really liked this book but it got thrown on my bookshelf when I got other books and somehow I never got back to it. Seen the cartoon movie version and the one with Billy Crudup. Love both of them!)
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King (always mean to read but never do)
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (parts for English class)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (I really need to finish this; I got about halfway through. It's another on my shelf that got put aside for other books and I regret not finishing it. This may be a controversial statement, but I found this book to be highly misogynistic. My opinion might change once I finish it-)
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles (I started reading this book but it is SO depressing. But I love Victorian writers, so I might pick it up again)
Oliver Twist (really, really need to read Dickens.)
Gulliver's Travels
Les Miserables (I'm fine with only having seen the musical)
The Corrections (Don't like the whole Oprah book-club dissing thing, but I read a memoir by Franzen and did like it-)
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune (one of the finest science fiction novels ever written. I never saw the 80's movie version of it; that movie seems to be either loved or reviled. I caught the Sci-Fi Channel's version of "Children of Dune" and it was ok. Apparently they also did "Dune" but I refuse to watch it. This is one of those books where I don't want to see the movie because I love my vision of what this book is so much)
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes : a memoir (I heard its so depressing....)
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States : 1492-present
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short history of Nearly Everything
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (I saw the movie just because I am such a fan of Daniel Day Lewis. The movie was pretty good, so I might check out the book at some point)
Beloved (changes the way you think about literature. I read this in high school and need to read it again)
Slaughterhouse-five (No, but I read Breakfast of Champions and Cat's Cradle)
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion (again with the Stephenson. I love his books, although I do admit they take a considerable commitment to read-)
Lolita (want to read and want to see the movie)
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye

On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything!!
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values (what I read was really interesting, but then I let someone borrow it and didn't get it back-)
The Aeneid
Watership Down (want to, no, need to read!)
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island(the PBS movie is great)
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers (I loved the 90's version with Keifer Sutherland and Alan Rickman as a preteen, then I had the misfortune of seeing it as an adult about 6 months ago on TV. It's pretty bad....)