Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Babies babies and more babies

So I really don't want to sound like I'm unappreciatvie of my friends or that I'm not happy for them in anyway, but since no one really reads this anyway I probably won't offend anyone.

The thing is, I'm am really sick of hearing about babies, and anything and everything to do with them.

Part of it is that the majority of my friends either have babies or are pregnant right now, so I'm now left out of a HUGE part of their lives and experiences. Since you can really have no idea what it's like to have children unless you do, I have nothing to contribute or add to the conversation on this experience. And since having a child alters your life experience in every way, and that the experience becomes central to everything you do, it is an experience that my girlfriends of course are going to mainly talk about when we catch up. So I can't offer any understanding or advice for them in their lives anymore, or come back with any stories about my experiences, because I don't have them.

Then there's the fact that the media is completely obsessed with famous women/celebrities/media whores being pregnant and that's virtually the only image or story or headline you see about famous women anymore. It sometimes seems like that's the only experience that is important for women anymore, at least according to the media. I find that kind of sad...but I also don't want to in any way diminish what mothers do because it's an important role for women and a role that is very difficult.

And of course being left out or feeling like you're not part of the "club" of new mommies also bothers me because I can't complain about my life being busy or hard, or act like anything I do is all that important because it will never be compared to having a baby. Add that to the fact that for the past decade I have watched (for the most part, happily) and participated in most of my girlfriends' "milestone" moments of happiness...achievements in school, and weddings and having babies. I haven't got any milestones of my own, and selfishly I sometimes think, "when's it my turn? I've never had great or exciting news to share with anyone. No one has ever come to any celebration or event in honor of me."  And well, thoughts like that just sound so pathetic and ungrateful....but they're there.

I've talked to a couple of friends and my mother about my negative feelings attached with anything and everything baby, and they're main response is, why don't you change it? Have a baby. Like it's that simple. I didn't choose not to have kids. My life circumstances have resulted in me not having them.  And while it may be simple for some women to go out and hookup with someone or get  into to a relationship with someone and not worry about or even think/plan about using protection or controlling that part of their lives, I'm not that girl.

So I really don't know what to do. There's really nothing I can do. I'm just not part of the club. I must find some other aspect of my female identity to feel positive and accomplished about instead of the whole mom thing. Because that ain't happening. Not now, and maybe not ever.

1 comment:

The Towes said...

OMGoodness! That post made me super sad!! You deserve to have milestones, like a wedding like soon! he needs to shit or get off the pot.... and than babies will follow...dont you worry!!! I love you and think your great!